


Lucifer's Guilt

by TransGhostWriting



Category: Shall We Date?: Obey Me!
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Boys In Love, Canon-Typical Violence, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Trauma, Self-Harm, Trauma, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-18
Updated: 2020-04-18
Packaged: 2021-02-23 14:57:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 6,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23713318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TransGhostWriting/pseuds/TransGhostWriting
Summary: Lucifer has PTSD and is in love with diavolo, diavolo fancies him too and is always willing to be a distraction to awful memories
Relationships: Diavolo/Lucifer (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)
Comments: 12
Kudos: 89





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Violence happens in later chapters

Diavolo. The next demon king. The prince of the underworld. They brought so many conflicting feelings up in Lucifer, ones he didn't know he had. Often he found himself thinking of his leige in a less than dignified way. He always felt ashamed of it really.

Though he supposed the thoughts were welcomed today more than any other day. He had already lashed out at his brothers and sequestered himself away into his room. A shaky breath left him once alone as he let his demon form come forth. Once white wings now black as night. Gloved hands clutched his arms close to himself.

Lucifer had ended up sleeping the day away, unusual but after his snapping earlier no one wanted to bother him. It was almost midnight when he finally left his room, steps uneven. He headed out of their dormitory, into the night. It felt too suffocating in the building but now with no walls, both physical and mental, everything crashed into him overwhelmingly so.

The first sob wracked his body as everything he shoved away barreled into himself. He could hear the shout of Satan from the porch but he moved away from it, into the woods. His vision blurred with his tears, barely able to breathe. He was why they had been cast out, why Lilith died. It was his fault the way their lives were now. His fault. His fault. Seeing his own wings now just brought blinding rage bubbling forth. He bent them in front of himself if only to tear and pull at them.

"..ucifer.." Diavolo's voice barely cracked through the pounding of his heart in his ears as blood sprouted from the angry tearing at his wings, "Lucifer." Hands gripped his wrists and he fought against them until he was pulled into a crushing embrace, "Stop it...To see you do this to yourself....my dear Lucifer..." the prince's voice rumbled through his body and he couldnt stop the new wave of sob's, "I am why she's dead! My ridiculous rebellion got her killed!" He nearly screamed.

Hands cupped his cheeks and wiped away the tears that poured down them, "You cannot change the past.." Diavolo kept his voice low as he let himself fall into his own demon form, "And you cannot change how beautiful you are. No matter where you lie, in heaven or in hell." A smile crossed his face, kind and hoping to get through to his fellow demon.

Lucifer slumped to the ground in defeat, "I..." before he could speak his prince knelt before him, taking his hands in theirs, "Your brothers are not unhappy here, you have not condemmed them to any fate. They fought alongside you and they will stay beside you." He assured, "Lilith's death was....an inmeasurable loss but you are not alone in your pain." He pulled them to his chest before standing, "Come, have tea with me. Just you and I." A way to distract and escape the pain of his thoughts.

The offer hung in the air before the first born brother slowly stood, wing slumped behind him matted and mangled. He followed Diavolo to their private home and there the prince cared for him.

Fingers ran through feathers to straighten them, bandages laid carefully around wounds. Soft words spoken and he was surprised when the prince leaned and kissed his tears away, "M-My leige-" "I am not as naive as you think Lucifer. I've seen the way you look at me." A deep chuckle, "And I suppose if you'd rather think about me," hands slipped his uniform jacket off, "You can. You are safe here, I will never judge you for your emotions." It was replaced with his own, the heavy red fabric comforting on Lucifer's shoulders, "Now lets have our tea." A kind smile and a cheek rubbed lovingly.


	2. Accepting Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucifer gives in to Diavolo's instant care its really gay and self indulgent

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No violence....yet uwu OwO

The tea had been nice, Lucifer hadn't realized how cold he was until the warmth filled him. It was odd, to sit across his prince with their coat draped over his shoulders with both of them in their demon forms. No need to keep up human appearances when it was just them.

Diavolo noticed them drifting back into thought, "Lucifer?" He hummed softly, getting the man's attention, "You may stay the night if you wish." He offered and the other accepted with little hesitation.

He gave Lucifer his bed even after being fought on it. He slept on the couch nearby, not bothered at all as long as the man he adored was safe and warm.

Lucifer woke in the night with a scream, claws digging into the bed sheets as he flung himself from it in despration to escape...something. He slammed into Diavolo's chest, the prince having awoken immediately. Their form looming over him in the dark sent Lucifer spiraling further. He couldn't think or breathe and he curled in on himself, wings flaring out as he dug his nails into the back of his neck to try and ground himself.

The prince's hands forced his from his neck and gripped them tight, "..uc...fer" his loyal subject fought against his grip desperately, "Luc...!" He knew the man wasn't in the now, "Lucifer!" Eyes snapped to meet his and he held their hands tighter, "Lucifer...You're safe...You and your brothers are safe." He watched the blood trail down their neck and frowned gently, "Come here."

Lucifer wouldn't disobey and he stood on shaky legs, hands held captive despite their twisting. He was gently tugged to the bathroom and watched as one was drawn before the prince turned to him, "May I?" He asked and eyes darted away before he nodded to answer their question.

He wasn't used to such...gentle touches. Nimble fingers undid buttons and slowly pulled clothes from his form. Scars littered his body, the most notible ones on his back. When they were first cast out, when Lilith first died he had tried to sever his wings from his body. Nobody knew of how cruel he was to himself even still.

Diavolo's fingers traced down the darkened skin gently, "My dear raven, what happened to your wings to leave them so?" He asked softly, leading him into the bath. Warm water surrounded Lucifer and he melted into it easily, "....I am not a kind man to myself." He replied simply with a tired, slightly slurred together voice and he caught the way the prince's brows furrowed. He looked away, guilt filling him and he clutched at himself until hands cupped his cheeks, "Do not clip your wings my dear.." being called such things made his chest tighten.

"My lord...I...Why do you call me such things? I know...your feelings to me are the same ones of I to you but-" Diavolo just shook his head, "You deserve to be loved, Lucifer. To be cared for. And I will be the one to do it." He rubbed a thumb over Lucifer's cheek, "Let me take care of you, please. I can see how badly you need it." And with that finally did Lucifer submit.

The bath was nice, he ended up dozing off halfway through it and when he awoke he was back in Diavolo's bed, the prince laying nearby. He had been dressed in some of their sleep clothes. "Go back to sleep...you need it." The prince's voice was soft, full of concern and caring, "Anything you wish to say can wait." He hadn't been expecting the kiss to his cheek but it made his face burn and his heart flutter. He let his eyes close again only when he heard Diavolo let out a chuckling sigh and pull him against his chest, "I promise I got you, my raven."


	3. Runaway

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Slightly more violence? Idk ptsd episodes suck bro esp flashbacks

Slowly eyes cracked open, unsure of how much time had passed. Lucifer sat himself up a little confused until he remember he had spent the night with his prince in their room. He glanced around for them but seeing them no where left him feeling...empty.

The clock on the bedside table read ten minutes to classes and he cursed softly, springing from the bed and racing to find his clothes. He managed to be out the door of Diavolo's door quite quickly, if looking a bit of a disheveled mess.

He could feel the way his body ached and protested all his moving after last nights attempted destruction of his wings and how he had dug his nails into..he lifted a hand and rubbed his neck awakrdly.

"Lucifer!" The voice of his prince pulled him from his thoughts and he smiled tiredly, "I'd have thought you'd stay in bed and rest, my raven." He spoke softly, moving in front of Lucifer and forcing their back against the nearest wall of the hallway.

"School-" a sigh came forth, interrupting him, "After last night....school can wait. If only for a day." He insisted, but the other wouldnt hear it and just shook their head, "I cannot slack off my lord." He replied.

Diavolo frowned, "Then will you at least take something of mine if anything to keep your mind from wandering far?" He asked, "...Alright." he wasn't sure what to expect but definitely anything but their lips against his. It wasn't a demanding kiss, something soft but long. He could feel his face flush darkly especially as he spotted his brother, Satan, see them together like this.

Satan just rolled his eyes and continued on his way even when a few moments later he heard Lucifer behind him, "Satan, what you just saw-" "I dont care what you do with your personal life Lucifer." He retorted with a huff, walking to his class.

Lucifer sighed before heading to his own class, though the feeling of the kiss lingered and the only thoughts in his head for the remainder of the day were about Diavolo, which was welcomed.

As night fell though and classes ended. Papers weren't enough to keep his mind busy. He thought a walk could help but he was mistaken.

It had just be a sliver of a thought but it sparked a fire that consumed his mind. Lilith would have loved the flowers in the woods. Lilith, his poor sister.

It felt like the ground was pulled out from under his and his stomach lurched as the bitter taste of copper filled his mouth. A taste too familiar for his own good as he bit through his cheek by accident. It sent him spiraling further.

Around him was a flurry of shouts, muffled but loud, wings, arrows. Blood. So much of it. He had dirtied the heavens with his rebellion. Panic filled him. Lilith, where was she. Her scream filled his ears and his body lurched violently, his voice refused to work. The red stained his hands, his uniform and his wings. White stained dark with blood.


	4. A darkened forest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Self harm in this chapter youve been warned

The panic that gripped him was overwhelming. Were his brothers ok? His head whipped around but all he saw was the dark forest he didn't recognize at the moment. Where was he?

The last thing Beelzebub saw from the kitchen was his brother leaving in quite a rush. He assumed it was just to some of Diavolo'a business but he couldn't help but worry ever so slightly. He messaged the prince and finding that Lucifer had not shown up at all made him frown but he left it for the time being.

He asked asked his other brothers if they knew where Lucifer was after another hour had passed. No one knew. He took to checking some of the classrooms, knowing Lucifer could get caught up in work. He wasn't there. It wasn't like him to just disappear. It was worrisome, especially when all his texts to his brother for the now past three hours had gone unread and unanswered. Was he okay?

Lucifer stumbled around the dark of the woods, chest heaving with his breaths as he looked frantically for signs of his siblings. He passed by a creek and when he noticed his reflection, the horns. Everything...this was not who he was, was it? Truely fallen from grace. The panic was replaced with anger at himself. He had gotten them all sentenced to the underworld, he was why Lilith was dead. He was why they were no longer as close as they had been.

Eyes scanned for anything more useful against himself than his nails. A jagged rock was picked from the ground. His fault, it was his fault. Blood pounded in his ears as he took it, using the water as a mirror, and jammed it where horn met head. The pain was nothing to him, not really. Not now when all that was going through his head was how he just seem to his brothers, to Luke and Simeon. Those he had been in heaven with. Did they look down upon him now? Did his brothers?

Blood dripped down his face and splashed into the water below him. Still he slammed the rock into his head, smashing away at where horn met flesh. He choked back a sob. How pathetic he was, to be like this. To care of his image so much. Disgraceful. That's what he was. Fallen from grace as were his brothers.

The hands that grabbed his wrist to stop him from using the rock against himself further startled him, "Lucifer...!" Diavolo's voice rang clear to him and he dropped the rock. He never wanted to vanish in on himself as badly as he had now. For them to see him like this- The pain steamrolled into him now as he regained his senses and he doubled over, the prince rushing to his side, "My raven.." his vision blurred darkly before he lost consciousness.

When he awoke he was back in Diavolo's bed. Bandages over his horn and over half his face. He had seemingly succeded in carving away at himself to almost severing his horn if how tight the bandages were were even a slight indication. He could hear muffled talking.

"Ive never see him like this." Beel's voice was hushed and filled with worry, "I dont know why he would do something like this I'm sorry."

"Do not worry Beelzebub. He will be alright, Barbatos and I will make sure of it."

The lock on the door clicked open, "You're awake. You've been out for quite some time." He went and sat on the edge of the bed, gently brushing Lucifer's hair away to check the bandages, "You gave everyone such a scare, finding you like that..." he sighed heavily, "Do you remember what happened? Why you were out there? You were so out of it..."

Lucifer didn't feel like answering the questions. His head ached horribly and he closed his eyes again and rolled onto his side, closer to Diavolo, "Mhn.."

"My raven..." their voice sounded tired, "You can tell me anything I assure you. To see you...doing such a thing to yourself I-" The bed shifted as he laid to pull Lucifer close, "You are irreplaceable..." he gently cradled their head against his chest, "So very much so my dear..."

Lucifer wanted to believe but...a large part of him couldn't. That someone would love and care about HIM that much. Especially after...all that.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Couldnt think of a title lmao i love my angsty love boys

That night Lucifer rested a little easier, hugged close against his prince. It was quite early in the morning when he slinked from their grasp and into the bathroom nearby.

He gazed into the mirror, hands going to trace bandages over his horn and head. Carefully fingers began to unwrap the cloth, especially as he noticed the faint red seeping through. It had been an awful idea admittedly...

As he removed the bandages he could see what damage he really did to himself, the large gash into his head where horn met, and even the base of said horn had been chipped away, small chunks missing out of it. Hideous. He probably could have killed himself doing that.

His stomach churned as he saw the wound bleeding, not as much as it had last night but still it began to pool at the injury and run down his head. He did this to himself. He couldn't imagine what kind of state he was in last night to end up with this, but worse still Diavolo had to see him that way.

Lucifer brought his hands to cover his face, what kind of demon was he to be so pathetic like this. To burden Diavolo like this. The man he loved. Thinking they were still asleep he let himself cry for once, at least until he felt the heavy coat around shoulders.

"My dear, hasn't anyone ever told you to leave bandages alone?" Diavolo's voice was tired as he grabbed new bandages from the cabinet and then knelt, carefully pulling their hands away to beging rebandaging.

"You gave us all such a scare Lucifer...Beelzebub and I finding you in the woods like that..." he spoke idly, "I don't know who was more worried, him or I.." he moved and grabbed a washcloth to wipe the blood from Lucifer's face, "But you can't keep hurting yourself like this.."

"I don't mean to my lord, really I-" "Whether you mean to or not, it's not a way to cope with whatevers going on inside your head my raven." He sighed heavily as he slowly stood, "And it's not going to be easy to stop, I know that, but to keep going the path your down. I don't think my heart could take it." He helped Lucifer up and lead them back to sit on the bed with him, cupping their face in his hands ever so gently, "Please talk to me about what troubles you so. If you need to seek me out, I am here at all hours for you."

Their words hit Lucifer's heart hard. He wasn't just hurting himself, but those he loved and cared about. He could tell Diavolo wasn't angry at him though, just worried and he understood that, "I just..." he sighed heavily and tried to pull from Diavolo's touch but the man just took his hand instead, "You don't have to tell me it all, or in detail or anything. I don't expect you to change your ways overnight either. I'm sure you've...been hurting like this for a while. But I know you'll do your best. You always do." He leaned and kissed his lips gently.

Lucifer leaned his head against their chest, "Everything about the war still plagues me...." he mumbled softly, closing his eyes as he felt Diavolo hig him close as they laid down together again, "It's been a while I suppose but..." a heavy sigh left him, "There's so much I could have done different, done better..."

"You cannot change the past Lucifer...As unfortunate as it is. I know it is also something that is hard to accept when...you've lost as much as you did." Lilith...His poor sister, "I can tell there is more bothering you, why do you hide it so?"

"Its something that doesn't need to be your issue."

"You are my boyfriend, Lucifer, and your problems are as much mine as mine are yours. Especially when they involve your wellbeing. We have each other, and you can trust me, cant you?"

"Of course Diavolo...I...boyfriends?"

"Yes, boyfriends. Thats what you'd like yes? It's definitely what I would."

"Hearing you say it aloud is...It is reassuring."

"Then I will be sure to announce it more often, perhaps to your brothers?" A teasing tone fell into his voice, something to lighten the mood.

"Oh please do not!" He sighed, "Not...yet anyways my love.." he added softly.

Diavolo captured his lips in a kiss once more, "It's still early yet, let us sleep some more, hm?" He pulled Lucifer closer, tighter, to make sure they knew he was there.


	6. And then I broke

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More angst ur welc

A new morning, though Lucifer awoke alone and Diavolo's jacket had been left over him. He knew the prince was busy, and he wasn't used to the small sting in his chest.

He slowly sat up and pulled on the coat, rubbing his eyes with a yawn. Fingers ran over the bandages on his head. He wasn't sure how long they'd have to stay. He never did ask. A sigh came forth and he shuffed to the bathroom to try and make himself look a little more presentable before class, at least until he heard the bedroom door.

"Lucifer?" Diavolo called softly when he didnt see them in bed,

"Just in the bathroom." He replied, fixing his hair just a bit before stepping out, "Did you need anything before I head to my classes?"

"Ah that's exactly what I wanted to speak to you about. I think it's better with...your current mental state to stay here and do classes online." He knew he wouldnt be able to get Lucifer to take a break entirely from schoolwork.

"Eh? Im fine, really I-" he was cut off by the prince suddenly in front of him and cradeling his face, "You're not fine my raven. We both know it." He leaned and gave Lucifer a gentle kiss, "Even if you refuse to admit it."

He stepped back from the kiss with a sigh, "If you think that's what's best then...alright." he could feel their hands resting on his shoulders, rubbing them gently, "Just think, you get to stay with me." He smiled wide and sweet.

"Are you sure? My brothers-"

"I've already spoken to them, and it's been decided that staying here is what is best for you."

"Best for me?" That struck a bit of a nerve, "I can make my own decisions I-"

"Like going out into the woods and smashing your brains out?" Diavolo nearly snapped, "Or clawing out the back of your neck?" He saw the way Lucifer shrunk in on himself and he sighed, "I'm sorry my raven we are all just so worried about you..."

He stayed quiet and just pulled the borrowed coat tighter around himself, "I'll go fetch my laptop from my room, If im to do online classes after all.." he pushed past Diavolo and headed back to the House of Lamentation.

Once inside it was mostly quiet, his brothers in their rooms. He headed to his own, no doubt if he took too long Diavolo would send Barbatos or someone else after him. He took his laptop and was leaving as he ran into Beel, "Ah Beelzebub I-" he was almost crushed in a hug.

"You really had me worried. A lot of us were." He held onto his brother, "I ate the whole kitchen and then some." He finally let go with a sigh, "I'm glad that you have the prince to look after you." He smiled gently, walking off before Lucifer could reply to anything.

He sighed heavily, heading back to Diavolo's castle. He got himself set up in the bedroom with his laptop for his classes. At least until a pounding headache rolled in and he had to close his eyes and lay down, arm over his face.

"Raven?"

He didn't respond.

"Lucifer? Are you okay?"

"Mhn..yeah. My head hurts is all." He finally spoke, moving his arm just as the bed dipped from the weight of another, "I'll get back to work-"

"You're going to rest." Diavolo shut the laptop and set it aside, "You need it."

He didn't really protest, closing his eyes again and feeling a kiss to his forhead, "You're the most hardworking student I know. An hour or two break won't kill you." The prince let him keep his jacket, knowing it was probably a good source of comfort for him.

It was nearly evening when Lucifer woke again and his head still hurt if only a little less. There was a tray of dinner and tea left for him and he took the cup gingerly to sip at it. Still fairly hot luckily.

He heard the bedroom door open and then close, "Ah I see you're awake. Did you rest okay?" Diavolo asked, sitting beside and wrapping an arm around him.

Lucifer leaned into the larger man, "I rested fine..." he sighed softly, closing his eyes.

"Everything alright?"

"Just...thinking about things."

"You think too much, my dear." He leaned and stole a kiss, "Try relaxing for once. Or reading a book that isn't related to schoolwork." He brushed some stray hairs behind Lucifer's ear with his free hand, "What are you thinking about?"

"Lilith, as usual. Technically she's died twice. As an angel and, presumably as a human." He sighed, putting his cup back on the tray as he laid down with his head in Diavolo's lap. Their fingers carded through his hair carefully.

Lucifer closed his eyes and begged for the ache in his chest to go away. The feeling of his boyfriend's fingers in his hair was comforting but...

"I'm going for a walk." He sat up slowly, watching their face for any sign of disagreement, "Do you want me to go with you?" "No, its fine." He gave a smile, and noticing he still had Diavolo's coat on, "Do you want this back?" "Keep it for your walk. It's cold out."

With a nod he left, heading out to go sit in the woods for a bit. It was quiet and away from everyone, which was what he needed. The sharp pain in his chest grew the more he thought about Lilith.

She deserved so much better, and yes she was happy as a human no doubt with no memory of her past life but it still hurt to think about. He did what he could though, in the end. Even though the start had been his own doing. He still felt horribly responsible, and he knew Belphie and Beel did too. Maybe he could speak to them about it? They had never been an open family.

The thought of his brothers seeing him so weak made him change his mind. They'd had enough of that lately and he hated it. He covered his mouth as the first sob wretched itself from his throat.

Fuck why now? Why was he falling apart so much? This wasn't like him and it fueled hatred against himself. Trying to knock some sense into himself, literally, he slammed the side of his head into a tree. The crack and the pain caused him to reel back. That seemed to be all it took to crack off the horn he had smashed and chipped away at. He stared at it on the ground before touching the small jagged stump left on his head.

What would Diavolo say about this? What would his brothers? As he fought the panic he put his hands over the back of his neck, nails digging in to ground himself, "Fucking hell." Why was he such a goddamn mess!

The hate to himself festered and he lashed out at the tree, slamming him fists into the rough bark again and again. God he was such an idiot. Pathetic. How could he let something like this happen? He could he let what happened to Lilith happen. He bit back his sobs and the tears welling in his eyes just served to blur his vision. He was supposed to protect his siblings and yet now he couldnt even protect himself.

The crack of his knuckles against the tree did nothing to shake him from his spiraling thoughts. Diavolo would be so disappointed in him. The thought of that broke his heart and so he grit his teeth and hit the tree harder, shaking it now with the force. The bark had grown bloody from his hands scraping against it as he hit but he didn't care.

He had no idea how long he was gone. It had been hours at the very least, he could hear the school bell. He took a shaky breath and stepped back from the tree and looked down at his bloodied hands, pieces of bark embedded here or there. His eyes drifted to his cracked off horn on the ground and he picked it up carefully. He could feel how his body shook and ever so slowly made his way back to Diavolo's castle.


	7. Distance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even more angst lmao

Diavolo was worried sick. He knew Lucifer needed space and time to think but he was concerned about how they would cope. He knew their skills lacked and that he could let his anger get the best of him.

What he didn't expect was the mess at his doorstep, his boyfriend with cry red eyes, their bloodied hands and a missing horn.

Lucifer opened his mouth to speak but a hand was raised to dismiss him, pulling them inside and to sit in the nearest bathroom.

Diavolo didn't know what to say as he tended to him, picking pieces of bark from their hands. His jaw was clenched, and his eyes never once met theirs.

Once bandaged he took a look at their head, nothing seemed to be bleeding awfully, the horn hadn't been ripped from his head, just snapped off where they had chipped at it. That was a small relief to the prince.

After he was sure they were tended to he let out a heavy sigh, "What were you thinking Lucifer?"

"I wasnt.." he tried to catch Diavolo's gaze in his, chest aching and his heart hurt. Why wouldn't they look at him?

"Well that's the issue then isn't it? Why didn't you come back when you knew you were spiraling? I knew it wasnt a good idea to let you go off alone!" The prince didnt mean to let their voice get to snappy but his emotions leaked into it.

"I dont know, I'm sorry I really am-"

"Sorry doesnt cut it when this isnt a one time thing! You cant keep hurting youself like this or you'll end up really goddamn dead!" He practically loomed over Lucifer, eyes now burning holes into their soul.

"I-I know Im sorry, I cant say anything else..." he shrunk away a bit, "I know I messed up-"

"Messed up? You had me worried sick! And then you show up looking like this! I can't keep doing this Lucifer. I can't keep bandaging you up, watching you hurt yourself!"

Lucifer shrugged off the coat the other had given him, slight tears in the fabric from where branches had grabbed at him. He held it in his lap, "I should have come back I know..." he had never heard his voice so weak, "Everything just got the better of me-"

"That's not an excuse. If you knew you should have come back why didn't you? I'm disappointed that you tell me you'll try and at the first chance to, you dont."

Disappointed. He had made them disappointed in him. His chest felt tight, "I didnt come because I-I didnt want to worry you and I thought if I dealt with it on my own-"

"You can't deal with it on your own! We both know this!" Diavolo stressed, he was clearly upset. Of course he was.

Lucifer on the other had didn't know how to cope with Diavolo being disappointed in him. The same way his father was after a while, before the war.

Without a word he got up and pushed past the prince, leaving the coat behind. Diavolo grabbed his arm, "Lucifer-" he just yanked it away, "Don't come looking, you won't find me." His voice held a snarl, anger over all else coming forth. Anger at himself mostly.

The door of the castle slammed shut behind him, leaving Diavolo behind. The young lord knew that going after him was pointless and would only cause more of a fight.


	8. Hornless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This fic is just self indulgent angst n comfort haha i appriciate kudos but comments r what rly motivates me lol

Lucifer stormed off back to his dormitory. His whole body quaked in anger and when Mammon tired to ask what was up, "If you don't move I will slam your body so hard not even the wall can stop you." He snarled.

Mammon darted away, he knew better to instigate further, especially as his brother slammed their door shut so hard a few paintings fell off the wall.

The eldest slumped against his door. His head hurt again and his body demanded to tear something apart. He took a steadying breath. Perhaps a shower would help clear his mind.

He set one up, undressed and stepped in, sighing at the hot eater falling over his body. For how his eyes were close and he was feeling his muscles slowly relax under the gentle pouding water.

Slowly his eyes cracked open and he caught his new reflection, the snapped off horn and now the other loomed over it. Pathetic looking. He went over his walk back, the other demons muttering and snickering as he passed. How could anyone take him seriously now.

His thoughts spiraled into darkness once more as his breath quickened. He stepped out, the water hitting the porcelain tub echoing loudly around him.

He stared into the foggy mirror over the sink, his one horn that showed how magnificent he once was. It made rage boil in him and he yanked one of the towel hangers off the wall and began smashing it into his horn relentlessly. The metal chipping away easier than the rock had.

He slammed it into his horn over and over and over again, watching as dust and small pieces appeared. Once he thought it was good enough he grabbed it and pulled down, snapping it off with a grunt of pain. Now he had two more or less even stumps on his head, but hell he took his nail file and tried to make them disappear more and more frantically. Back and forth back and forth across the stubs, grinding them down, down, down. The closer he got to his skull the more it hurt.

He grimaced but shaky hands kept grinding down his horns. At least with no horns he'd get less stares and mutters than having only one. He had ground them down to practically his skull and the pain was immeasurable. His vision began to blur at the edges and he felt sick. The manic fit was wearing off and he felt sick, hands dropping the file. His vision tilted before he fell to the ground.

Beelzebub had noticed the shower from Lucifer's room had been going on for much too long. It had been hours. Slowly he approached, knocking on the door, "Lucifer?" He questioned. There was no answer besides the shower. Thank the demon king the door was unlocked. He headed inside even though it might be a death sentence. That's when he saw Lucifer on the floor, the mess, and his heart dropped, he rushed over.

Lucifer cracked his eyes open slowly with the pain of a lifetime, "Gh.." he tried to sit up but it sent the room spinning. Fuck. He collapsed back down and then saw Beel dart over from their napping in a nearby chair, "Lucifer! What were you thinking!" All too familiar words.

"I wasn't." He knew an apology was worthless at this point. He saw the tears in his brother's eyes and it broke his heart. He was such a goddamn mess.

"I-Yeah..probably not...do you need Diavolo? Or?"

"I dont know." He couldn't fight the crack in his voice as he started crying. He felt Beel's strong arms wrap around him and hold him close.

"You're okay...You have us...You have Diavolo. He loves you...we love you." Beel held his brother tighter, "I know...about nightmares and flashbacks….I have them too and. They dont ever really go away but. You need to talk with us about it. You cant keep going...going off on your own and hurting yourself like this. Stuff you cant recover from." He sniffled.

Lucifer cried into his brother for a while and when he ran out of tears and only then did Beelzebub let go of him and go get Diavolo.

Diavolo rushed in and cupped Lucifer's face lovingly, checking his head over worried and frowning with tears in his eyes as he stole a kiss, "My raven oh my raven…" he pulled them close and he could feel his boyfriend trembling and he kissed where their horns used to be.

"I'm so sorry Diavolo….For disappointing you for-"

"No, my love you...you haven't disappointed me, you honestly never could. I was just upset and didn't understand that….you're used to dealing with things alone but you don't have to anymore sweetheart…" Diavolo kissed him deeply, "I promise I'm here for you. Forever." He clutched Lucifer close.

Lucifer melted into the touches and kisses, "Diavolo...my prince...I love you." He sighed, "So much...I need to...trust you more…"

Diavolo smiled, "I love you too my raven...now...can..can you tell me what triggered it this time?"

This was going to be a long conversation.


End file.
